Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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