AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
