At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
