so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
