Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
