I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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