I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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