I didn't shave. On purpose
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Randomize
