so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
