stop calling my apartment porn island.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
