When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
did i just pee glitter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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