She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
