and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
