I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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