We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
