her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
