Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
