I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
