I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
