i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
