What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My penis needs a shock collar
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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