If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
