He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
