My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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