his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
