Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
