Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
