So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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