Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You're like the curious george of whores
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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