He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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