So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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