If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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