I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
