Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
