Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
