it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
