"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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