No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
