Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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