So drunk its hurt
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
