Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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