i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
