Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
