We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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