so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
