i think my mom watched the whole time
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
