And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
