we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
