Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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