I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
