i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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