so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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