I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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